Owning the Cape

"Even when I'm a mess, I put on a vest with an S on my chest..." Alicia Keys

This line is from Alicia Keys's song "Superwoman". It's one of the many anthems to womanhood that have been penned over the years. Today I'm writing about my own battle with this label. I am a self-confessed "A type". I do a lot and have a lot of roles. As a working mother of two, and now also working on my coaching business, my life is very full. Some days a but TOO FULL lol. But I enjoy it. I know that I'm in the right space in time for me right now, so even though my pace is a bit manic at times, it's extremely fulfilling.



I have not always been at peace with this. I've had the title "superwoman" for most of my adult life. But I didn't OWN it. As a matter of fact, you could even say I resented it. I once journaled, "Superwoman is dead. She was crushed by the weight of the world on her shoulders." Wow, right? That's a very strong statement, but that was the space I was in at the time. Totally a victim - "poor me, I've got too much to do". But it is very real when you are in that space - in overwhelm and not able to find a good way to balance it out.



Now, before I go any further, I am NOT claiming to have figured this all out and have the magic formula. But over the years, and with God's grace and the help of some wonderful teachers, I have begun to challenge my perception of things. The truth of the matter is, I LIKE to be busy. And part of my busyness is because of the various relationships I have - family and friends, and taking tie to focus on things that matter to me. So now I embrace the fullness of my life - it gives me focus and adds richness to my life. Recently I've been struggling to balance things out, so I thought writing this would help refocus an reenergize. Hope you enjoy it, too.



OWNING THE CAPE
... so how do you shift into wearing the cape proudly? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Feed your spiritual life. Having a relationship with God helps us tap into a higher power and not feel so helpless when things are out of our control. We all experience bumps along the way, (sometimes valleys and derailments!) but knowing that God is with you throughout makes a huge difference. One of my favorite scriptures is Romans 8:28: "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."(KJV). This verse has gotten me through many rough spots, and in retrospect, I find it to be true! Some of my greatest blessings have come after a period of loss or trial. God knows what he is doing, and part of the trick in owning the cape is knowing when to let go and let Him have control.
2. Acceptance. If you are a superwoman (or superman) wear the cape proudly! Clearly there is something about you that resonates strength, leadership and/or perseverance. All wonderful traits to embrace!
3. Cultivate a positive attitude. Do you routinely see the glass as "half full" or "half empty"? We've all heard "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade", and similar adages. How you view things makes a huge difference. So rather than seeing your talents as a burden (like I used to), wear that cape proudly. Cultivate a swagger and own the power that God has endowed you with!
4. Take care of yourself. I'm sure this seems very basic, but when we are juggling a lot, sometimes we slip to the bottom (or off) of the priority list. This can lead to burnout, resentment and worse. Yes, it's easier said than done, but it is absolutely essential. When I wrote that "superwoman is dead" bit I was not even on the radar screen. Always allow some time for yourself - to enjoy things you like to do, spending time with people you love, or just DOING NOTHING.

Have a wonderful week, and *raising cup of coffee*... here's to the journey!

Peace & blessings
TRamsey © 9/2010



This post is dedicated in memory of Robin Lynn, a true superwoman who touched many lives during her time on earth. Thank you Robin. I am eternally grateful to you for being a change agent in my and so many others lives! Rest in Peace

Extreme Self Care

If you are like most women, your life is pretty full, and you may have a chunk of your time allotted to taking care of others: family, friends, community, etc. Where do you fit in? Since embarking on my budding life coaching business, I’ve been taking in a steady diet of empowerment materials, books, courses, etc. I first heard this concept of “extreme self care” from author and life coach, Cheryl Richardson, who has written a number of books on the topic, including Take Time for Your Life, and Life Makeovers. But I am not only speaking to the ladies. I have male friends who are busy with work, school, children, church, and other activities. And if you are in business for yourself, the fun never stops! We are all such slaves to our “crackberries” lol. I say this as I raise my hand timidly to acknowledge my own addiction. I invite us all to take a moment and reflect. Ask YOURSELF (like Janet Jackson years ago), “What have you done for ME lately?”

Today I am home alone, and enjoying every moment! This year has been a busy one! One week has blended into the next, bringing with it a host of obligations and responsibilities. The past year was a big one for me. I learned a lot about myself and life in general, invested in myself and my business, and raised the bar on what I can expect out of life. But of course, as a result, my life is much fuller, and with the bar raised, there is always more for me to do!

But that’s why I am here today, so I digress. Let’s talk. About YOU. What have you done lately to take care of yourself? Do you set aside time for you? To read, pray, meditate, spend time with friends? Have you ever gone on a trip by yourself? Have you taken yourself to the movies or on a daytrip – a drive to your favorite park or beach? When is the last time you went on vacation... a REAL vacation that didn’t include doing errands or projects around the house? Do you take time to exercise?

Speaking of exercise, I am so impressed with my church. Our pastor and leaders recently organized an effort to get members involved in fitness activities, including walking, biking, aerobics, weight training and stretching. I attended a meeting about it this week. Lay leaders will be leading each of the disciplines. I am joining the walking group. It will help me get more involved with my church (something I’m a bit ashamed about) and make authentic connections with people, as well as helping me to train for my third year participating in the Susan G Komen 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk. Exercise is one important way of taking care of our temple – the body that God gave us. We only get one! We need to respect our bodies and take care of ourselves. In addition to prolonging your life, exercise relieves stress and releases endorphins, which helps with our overall well-being.

My challenge to you today is this…. Get out a piece of paper and think of 3 things that you could do for yourself.

1. Pick one thing that you can do on a daily or weekly basis (like taking more time for yourself – to exercise, relax or to connect with loved ones). Make a commitment to yourself to do this ONE THING regularly. Just for you.
2. Pick one thing that has been on your “maybe one day” list, and find a way to treat yourself to it – sometime in the next 2-6 months. If it involves money you may have to save or find a way to get the money together. If it’s relatively simple, you can implement it sooner than that!
3. Are you ready for #3? It’s a big one that requires some prep. Allow yourself to dream. Really dream. What’s one thing that you want to do, but never thought you could? What’s one thing that you want to do, but have no idea on earth how it would happen? If it’s something that you REALLY want to do, I encourage you to not let time, money or fear stop you. Life is short. I say this all the time – tomorrow is NOT promised. Take time for you. You are certainly worth it.
   
   God bless.
   T Ramsey
   © April 2010

Blizzard of Feb 2010 – A Lesson in Patience and Gratitude

Those who know me well know that I am a CHRONIC A-type. Always busy. Always doing something, going somewhere, starting new projects. I like to say that it’s part of what makes me who I am.

Today is Tuesday, February 09, 2010 - four days after the now famous “Blizzard of 2010” that blanketed the Mid-Atlantic. Here in the Washington, DC area we got about 24”. As I am typing now, we are expecting another 10” – 20” in the coming hours. As a result, I’ve been at home and off of work since Friday afternoon. The kids are with their dad, so I’ve been in the house on my own. You may say, “Sounds great!” Truthfully, it has been, but I couldn’t get out of my own way to FULLY appreciate it. Until today.

January was a CRAZY month for me, for reasons I won’t get into right now. So I came into February tired and literally out of breath. Heart racing, the whole nine yards. So I will admit that when we ended up being closed for ½ day on Friday, I was looking forward to a long weekend alone.

Now that I’ve been indoors for four full days, I have been feeling a bit of cabin fever. I miss the kids. Having them with me during snow days provides a lot of energy – keeping them busy and fed and playing games – it’s fun. So the quiet is different. I have been keeping busy… not only with work, but also with building my business and catching up on personal projects. In the meantime I’ve been whining about being bored and claustrophobic.

I went to the store this morning, to stock up before the next storm arrives. It was as busy as you would expect. But a woman in the produce section made a comment that made me completely shift my perspective. After we exchanged mutterings about the snow, she said, “But you know what? We are blessed, because we could be in Haiti.” That statement made me stop in my tracks and shift from impatience to gratitude. There are so many people suffering right now, and I’m complaining because I am stuck at home, with heat, electricity and running water?

I thank God that I ran into that lady. For the rest of the day, I have been quiet and introspective, and grateful. Realizing that considering what my last 30 days were like, I should have been relishing this gift of solitude, not counting the hours until I can hurl myself back into the mix! I have done some work today, and also took the time to write (yay me!). But I’ve been thinking about my addiction to busyness, and how I can reclaim some order, purpose and serenity on a day-to-day basis. I have one of those jobs that will keep you busy 24/7 if you let it. I am grateful for that as well, because I enjoy it and I’m good at my profession. But I realize that I have to begin doing a better job of prioritizing my time and delegating – so that I can have more time for me. Like making time for exercise – which I have done woefully little of so far in 2010! I also need to spend more time building and promoting my business.

I don’t know how long I’ll be here in the house, but I am choosing to enjoy the time, rather than bemoan it as some type of inconvenience. Thank you Lord, for sending the right woman to cross my path today!

© T Ramsey 2/9/10

Let it go!

Happy New Year!

The thing I love about the turn of the year is the sense of possibility that so many people embrace. We all handle it in different ways.

Some of us focus on diet and exercise. Resolving to live a healthier life is always good! Some decide to embark upon career changes, improve finances or other business matters.
Some decide to get more organized or tackle a big project. Some go as far as to explore a long-held dream or make some significant change in their lives. And some go out and do all of the above!

Today I want to explore the value of Letting Go. And no, this isn’t exactly rocket science. But please humor me anyway and let’s explore the concept. Sometimes we get weighed down by the baggage we carry around. Maybe someone hurt you, either intentionally or unintentionally. Maybe you are recuperating from a failed relationship, or a career setback like losing your job. Maybe you have the habit of taking on others’ burdens, and it’s getting harder to bear. Maybe there is just a feeling of discontent that is keeping you from enjoying life as you should.

It’s ok to let it go. Carrying that around with you robs you of your joy and the energy necessary to tackle all those great things you decided to pursue this year!

Today is January 1, 2010. If you did not take the time to rid yourself of any of these energy sappers, I encourage you to take a few minutes to do it. TODAY! It’s never too late! Refuse to go another moment into this new year with that extra baggage.

Here are a few suggestions:

• Pray. Whatever your faith background, spend some time in the presence of God – talking about what is weighing you down. Then give it to Him. The Bible reads, “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you” Psalm 55:22
• Meditate. This is an alternative to prayer.
• Literally “throw it away”. Go to a body of water or clear field. Chose the number of stones that represent what you want to get rid of. One by one, toss these stones into the water, to signify each of your burdens. Name them as you are throwing them far away. Claim your new reality then and there!
• Shred it! Write the things you are letting go on individual pieces of paper. Then either throw them in a fire, or shred them and throw them away. There is a recent tradition in New York City called “Good Riddance Day”. On 12/29/09, New Yorkers brought all their unwanted memories of 2009 to Times Square Monday and put them in a shredder.

You get the gist. Embrace all that this new year has to offer by lightening your load! And in closing, I state a common refrain.. “Live each day as if it’s your last!“

May peace and blessings abound for you in 2010 and beyond!!

© TRamsey Jan 2010

New Decade… New You!

Hello friends!

Can you believe that in a couple of weeks we will be entering a new decade? A good friend talked about this a couple of weeks ago and it made me really start thinking.

As with many of us, the oncoming of a new year always sends me into introspection mode. I am not as much a fan of resolution setting as I am of goal setting and forward motion. But it usually begins with looking at myself, and looking back – not dwelling but noticing lessons and things to celebrate as well. So this year, I decided to do this following exercise, which was very enlightening for me. Reviewing the decade!

If you are ready, spend a few minutes and let’s explore! You might find it enlightening. Maybe grab a pen and paper, or journal if that is something you use. Find a quiet spot and think:

1. What was your life like 10 years ago? Think back. How old were you? What type of work did you do? Were you in school? Did you have children? Married or in a relationship? What about your spiritual life and physical and emotional health?
2. What resonates for you about that time? Was it a good time for you or not? Have you made any changes since then?
3. What’s different now? Look at your current situation: Your family, your work/educational life. Your physical, emotional and spiritual life. What’s changed? What’s stayed the same?
4. What can you celebrate? In ten years there must have been some good times. Think back and enjoy the happy memories. Pat yourself on the back for any achievements that you have accomplished. Sometimes we spend more time dwelling on the negative than the positive. We worry and bemoan what’s not right without taking time to enjoy the good. Think about what you can do to further, replicate, or recreate those good times. What worked for you? We can learn from our past – in both the good and the bad.
5. What needs to change? Are there things that you have known that you need to do something about but haven’t? What needs to change, and what are you doing about it…. or not? Maybe you have already begun or completed a cycle of change that has really made a big difference in your life. Again – congratulate yourself! Growth is a wonderful thing, and sometimes it takes courage to embrace the change that is needed in our lives. If there is something that needs to be addressed. Take the time NOW to map out a plan. You don’t have to wait until January 1, you know!
6. Looking forward – what results are you declaring for yourself in 2010? Maybe a decade is too much to look at in one sitting, but maybe you’re up for it. At least start with the year. A year from now, when you look at the past year, what do you want to be different? Again, think about what you can do NOW to start that process.

I am such a big believer in embracing life. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us. May God bless and keep you and yours in this coming year and beyond, and may all of your dreams come true!

Trina Ramsey
Perspectives Plus Coaching
www.perspectivespluscoaching.com
© December 2009

Metamorphosis

It’s dark inside the cocoon
But her eyes have adjusted
She has waited a lifetime
For this metamorphosis.
She is excited.

What a sense of possibility!
Can’t wait to try out her
Beautiful new wings
For the first time.
She imagines what it will feel like
To soar through the air
Feeling the power,
Using her sense of direction
And instincts to guide her.

She is exhausted.
As much as she has worked
In her former state,
She had no idea
How exhausting this
State of becoming would be!
Facing the past and
Sorting through the rubble,
She keeps the good
And thanks God for the
Experiences and lessons learned.

She knows that the past does not
Dictate the future,
And her faith in God and
Personal testimony assure her
That whatever lay ahead,
God is with her, no matter where
The new wings carry her.

She faces her fear.
Sometimes her doubts arise…
What are you doing girl?
You are not a butterfly, but a caterpillar.
So come on back here and squirm
Around with the rest of us!
What if your wings don’t work?
What if you fall?
What if they turn out not to be
As beautiful as you expected?

Recalling the amazing stories of
The giants that came before her,
She claims their stories as her
Future possibility.

She smiles as she
Gets back to work
Calling those things that be not into being
Through God’s grace
And her innate power
And determination

TRamsey
© May 2009

What We Can Learn From Michael

7/8/09

I hesitated to add more to the media storm following the untimely death of Michael Jackson. His story is well known, and the events surrounding his death and burial have been all over the news.

However, after watching the memorial service on TV, it caused me to reflect on the things that people were saying about him that were either unknown or glossed over amidst all of the controversy that has followed him over the years. What I got from those who reflected on his life was this: that in addition to the sheer power of the man’s stardom, his talent, his fame, and yes, his eccentricities, there was a man with a good heart, who wanted to make a difference in the world.

I could go on doing a laundry list of the powerful songs he produced promoting love, understanding, racial reconciliation and healing. I could chronicle how generous the man was – how many charities he contributed to, etc. From what I understand, he has given the most of any celebrity. But all of that has been covered already in recent events chronicling his life and his legacy.

Here I want to focus on things that we can learn about how he chose to live his life. There is nothing new here really, but it’s always nice to have a reminder of the following principles that can add to the richness of our life:

1. Make the most of each day. As we can see from his death at just 50, tomorrow is not promised to any of us. Accidents and other bad things happen all the time. If you were to truly live each day as if it were your last, what would you do differently? What relationships would you repair? What dreams would you pursue that you are waiting for the “right time” to get started?


2. Never accept less than your very best. It is well known that Michael was a perfectionist. He pushed himself as an entertainer, to be bigger, better, more. He competed against himself. Do you give your all to the things you put your hand to? Why or why not? Do you find yourself lacking enthusiasm about your life? Maybe it’s time to examine things and consider making some changes, so that you will be excited about things again.


3. Show love, give love, and BE love. It goes without saying that Michael was all about love. He was very giving, he was very caring, and he sang about not only romantic love, but love for humanity, and healing our world of the hurts that have plagued us. In my humble opinion, we have become so rushed and stressed as a society that we have forgotten how to take the time to treat one another decently. You get what you give – it’s karma. Try being more patient and loving and I’m sure you’ll get some of it back! Take the time to TELL your loved ones that you love them.


4. Live with passion. What a gift it is to find your passion in life, and to find a way to get paid for it! Michael was an entertainer extraordinaire. He was passionate about being the best he could be in his profession, and wanted to leave the world a bit better than when he came. And I think he succeeded at both. What is YOUR passion? Do you get to enjoy it during your work, a hobby or favorite cause? If not, I encourage you to find a way to incorporate the things that you are passionate about into your day to day life.


5. Find a way to make a contribution. Michael was a great humanitarian. Of course, he had also amassed an estate that afforded him to be able to make very generous contributions, and the fame that allowed him access to just about anyone in the world – world leaders, politicians, etc. But you don’t have to be a famous millionaire to make a difference. You can start right in your own community. Giving feels good. Think about how you feel when someone likes a birthday or Christmas gift that you chose. Now imagine what it would be like to give to someone who really needed your help. You can give of your money, your time, or your talents. Find a way to make a difference. You won’t regret it!


6. Don’t be afraid to be different. Michael was certainly one-of-a-kind. He of course got a lot of negative attention along with the fame and accolades for his talent. But he didn’t let his being different stop him. I daresay he pushed to continue to distinguish himself as the unique individual that he was, and it was one of the reasons he was so revered and imitated. It’s easy to blend in, not make waves. On the contrary how bold and daring it is to step out and be different – yes to OWN that difference as one of our gifts to the world! What makes you different? Do you celebrate that difference? Do you highlight it, or work to avoid people noticing it? Why or why not?


7. Take risks. Step outside your comfort zone. I know… You’re thinking, “Whoa! Now you’re going too far!” Bear with me for a minute. If you really believe that life is for living, what can you do to push yourself out of your comfort zone? Maybe it’s a new haircut or outfit. Maybe you can introduce yourself to that person you’ve been watching at the coffee shop or gym, but have been too afraid to speak to. Is there a place you have wanted to travel to, but have never made the time? What could you do to save/budget the money to actually set a goal and then go for it? Maybe you have been dreaming about pursuing another career, and you have been too afraid to allow yourself to think about pursuing it. Remember, tomorrow isn’t promised. What are you waiting for?
   
   On that note, I’ll close now. I’m sure there is nothing here you have not heard before, but I thought it would be good to point out what we might have overlooked in remembering the life and legacy of this remarkable man.
   
   May God bless and keep you.
   
   T Ramsey
   © 2009